Part 3

In 1939 when my mom's first surgery was so tragically done, the depression was still trudging along albeit slowing a tiny bit. Yet, people all over America were weary from years of struggling with making ends meet and still not quite having enough. This stressful time caused much anguish for my Grandparents because it required them to leave my mom in the hospital in Binghamton NY for 3 months at a time. Most parents now-and-days couldn't imagine leaving their two year old child in a hospital alone for more than a few hours; Gladys and George didn't have a choice.
Dr. Alben was very distressed at what the previous surgeon had done to my mother. The infections and abscesses took a long time to heal and the removal of tendons had done more damage than good to her small legs. Dr. Alben knew it was going to take many surgeries and lots of hard work on the part of my mom to over come what had been done to her. After Mom was healed from the infections, the casting process was started. This required her to be put in casts, and every week portions would be cut out and her feet manipulated in a more normal position and then recast. After each repositioning, the pain was almost unbearable and the longing to be comforted by her mother was almost more than she could stand. Binghamton City Hospital was a sterile, cold place with bleak gray walls and sick children. The long days stretched into weeks then months until her legs and feet were repositioned enough to allow her to leave the Hospital for a small stretches of time. It never was long enough though.
Months became years and while the Depression had come to a close due to the war, WWII had become another stumbling block keeping my mom locked in her sterile castle when work needed to be done on her casts.
Because of the war, gas, and other household items were being rationed. Each household was given a certain amount of rations which didn't leave enough most weeks to have enough for my grandparents to get to Binghamton. Thankfully there were kind people who would save enough of theirs to give some to Grandma and Grandpa so they could go see Mom every two weeks or so.
Whether it was because of depression or an illness, my mom stopped eating. She remembers pushing her food around on the plate so the nurses would take the tray and even giving food to other kids so the nurses would stop telling her to eat. Hoping that it was because of her tonsils, the doctors asked my grandparents if they could take them out. Giving their permission, mom had her tonsils removed at the age of 4. When mom woke up, she yelled at my Grandmother that she hated her but then quickly fell back to sleep. When she woke up the next time, they were gone. Not because they wanted to leave, but they had to get back to the rest of the family and Grandpa George couldn't risk missing work and losing his job. He had already had to find work at a plant called Bendix because the Meat Market had gone under two years prior. It was hard for my mom to understand at that young age that her anger wasn't the reason why her parents weren't there when she woke up. Even after Grandma tried to assure her the next time she saw her. How could any child understand that? It wasn't long after her tonsillectomy that the doctors would figure out her eating problems weren't tonsil related. At the age of four, my mom was depressed.

When mom turned eight, she had her second surgery on her legs and feet. This time, under the guided hands of a skilled surgeon using proper equipment. During this surgery, a few more tendons in her legs were moved and part of her ankle bone was removed. Two years later, at the age of ten, her other foot would be operated on and because of the advancement in medicine, that foot has always been a little better for her. Memories from her hospital stays are quite vivid and she recalls the casting room where casts were put on her and other children as well. It was a cold room with tall pillars with bars in between. These bars would be used to tie kids down that needed to be casted because of displaced hips or to straighten their backs. When everyone was back in their rooms, mom would 'sneak' over to visit some of the kids who couldn't move because of their casts. Many times she would follow the nurses around in her wheel-chair to help tend to the other children. On a rare occasion, the nurses would take the kids up to the roof of the hospital so they could get some fresh air because like my mom, most of these kids were there for long periods of time.
Lice was a big problem for anyone staying in the hospitals back then. Mom recalls one time that her Dad came to visit and the Doctor happened to be there. The doctor let Mom go home with Grandpa on the train for the weekend and while she was home, Grandma realized that Mom had a very bad case of Lice. Unfortunately this meant that everyone in the house had to be treated with kerosene and sit for hours while Grandma picked eggs out of their hair.

No one was happy with Mom for that special “gift”. I'm wondering, if inside my mom was silently chuckling to herself that she got to share some of her grief from being kept away from everyone. After all, misery loves company.

Part 1

Springtime never came early enough back in those days, or so it seemed for the hard working people who lived in upstate New York during the depression. The Rafferty family was one of those families who waited not so patiently for the long days of winter to melt into Spring. The slightly warmer weather was a hopeful time; a time when mothers could push the kids outside for longer periods of time and the fathers could put the plow in the hands of their sons who had grown like weeds over the winter. The long cold winters grasp was finally beginning to lose it's hold and peoples spirits could once again see Gods greatness as the tiny buds of new life sprung from the ground. Hope was starting to have life in the hearts of the men who worked their fingers to the bone just to have enough for their family to get by. Kids no longer had to trudge through knee deep snow to the school house up the road and after school boys and girls would linger at the creek on the way home. No one was in a hurry to get back to chores after being cooped up inside for months.

George Rafferty had taken a job at the butcher shop in the next town over to make ends meet for his growing family.
He was a well respected man and most everyone who knew him would testify that he was an honest, hard worker with integrity. The slight limp in his walk wasn't noticed because George was also a proud man who held his head high and rarely showed defeat. These traits of a strong work ethic and stubborn pride were passed to his children which provided the foundational blocks of tenacity in trusting in Christ when challenges were faced. His wife, Gladys, was pregnant with their sixth child and ready to give birth in March.

By the time Bev Rafferty was born in March of 1937, the depression was in full swing. Times were tough everywhere and even the rural roads of North Chemung were not immune to the effects of that era. The jobs people had were held onto with iron fists and vacation time or time for the birth of a child was not a luxury that most would dare to take. There were many unemployed people willing to work and taking time off was viewed as a weakness which might result in losing your job. George was not willing to take that chance when Gladys went into labor.

Pretty soon I'll be singing the Wedding day anthem in my head 24/7.    Why? you ask?  Because #2 is getting married.  Yes, that's right, my second oldest son, Jake is getting married to Manda!  I'm mixed with excitement and nervousness.  Mostly excitement.  She is one of the greatest people I know and she has fit in to our family and become apart of our family so easily.   Manda is also the second oldest in her family as well and she has three younger siblings so she knows how crazy it can get so maybe that is why she  seems so layed back.  Either way, she is pretty great. 
I'm slightly nervous, because, well, I just know that marriage is hard and I wish I could wave a magic wand and make things really easy for them.   I wish I could pay off his student loan debt so they could start out free and clear, I wish I could buy them all the furniture they will need to set up an apartment...... but I can't.... and even if I could it probably wouldn't be wise.  I'm sure they will learn to handle things and manage their finances just fine without dear ol mom butting her nose in.... 
It really is funny how things change when someone finds the person they are meant to be with.  
Jake was always my kid who was NEVER going to get married.  NEVER have kids and until a couple years ago I thought he probably would stick to that.  Then Manda came along and VOILA!  She melted his heart and in a matter of 7 months he is engaged!  Who'da thunk it?    
Now my biggest problem will be to try not to become a hovering mother-in-law that trys to take over......  control freakishness is one of my downfalls so I will need lots of prayer. =)

I've come to the conclusion that snow is bad for the health.  At least long term snow.   It seems to make people grumpy, including me, and if the snow isn't the cause then I guess the world is going to pot faster than I originally thought. 
Also, I think that Facebook, e-mail and texting has pretty much ruined people and relationships.  Yes, even I, self appointed facebook queen, admits to facebook over stimulation!  Things are typed and someone reads it wrong, partly because they want to believe the worse in some, and partly because they can't hear the inflection in the writers voice so they don't know that probably it was said tongue-in-cheek, or jokingly or whatnot.  So then person A gets their panties in a wad, types something in rebuttal and the whole thing is blown way out of proportion.  Also, some things just should not be sent via email.  I am so freaking sick to death of forwarded or copy and pasted emails that tell me I am going to have health bestowed upon me if I send this to 50 of my close friends and hell and brimstone if I don't.  First of all, just because "snoops" says it's true, doesn't mean it is. 
I've read two books recently by Donald Miller........  he is my new favorite author.  He says it so well in his book  Searching for God Knows What.  On first inspection, you would assume he was a liberal who has read the bible, but after reading more into the book, you find that he is deeply committed to Christ and bases everything on the word of God!  He doesn't take sides which is all to common in todays society and unfortunately those who do pick sides end up building walls so thick that no one can get through.  Instead, Mr. Miller chooses to remain committed to speaking the truth in love without getting all upset if someone doesn't agree with him.  He also is able to minister to liberals, democrats, republicans and even the Tea Party because he stands firm in the fact that the ONLY way to the father is through Christ.  Making someone agree with your view on abortion, homosexuality, or political agenda does not point people to Christ.  It puts people on opposite sides and breaks down all lines of communication.  The other really neat thing about the way he writes is that he doesn't white wash the gospel. 
Wow, was that just a book review?  Oh well.  
My point is that all to often people pick sides, whether it is pro-life, gay rights, Tea Party, conservative, liberal, etc, and make that their God.  We try to get everyone to agree with us, instead of understanding that we all have sinned, are sinning and will continue to sin until we die, and our anger and pride at those who don't agree with us isn't any less wrong that the ill we are fighting against.   Point people to Christ and He can sort it out.  Stay honest in what you believe and know is right and let God work in the hearts of others.  It's not our job to be heart surgeons.....  Christ can handle that.

I had to take Dan to the dentist today.  It actually wasn't bad and the whole way home he kept thanking me for taking him, so that was pretty darn cute in my book.    On the way up he asked how cows made their milk.  I told him, uh, i'm not sure, but they chew grass and then the milk forms in their boobies.  Yeah, I know, kind of crude, but I really couldn't for the life of me figure out how to explain how it's actually done in terms that a 9 year old could understand.   In all seriousness, he said " well, do they eat lots of snow?"   I thought that was cute. 
About fifteen minutes down the road,, the radio started getting really fuzzy because I was gettting out of range.  The lady singing on the radio started to cut in and out and again, from the backseat, danny says " boy, she sure does have bad hiccups!".......  gosh I love that kid!  He just cracks me up all the time.

I also heard an interview with Anita Renfroe and her husband.  They were talking about Valentines day and being married, etc.....  Anyway, they were talking about their kids and Anita said "they were our craft projects".   I thought that was cute.   However, as I'm sitting her listening to my kids argue and fight I'm thinking that my kids are my science experiments gone terribly wrong!  SHEESH!!!  I wish there was a magic pill to make them get along.  I think I might have them sit and hold hands until they can talk nicely to each other.  I used to do that with Jake and Abby.  It seemed to work, albeit slightly, but it worked.  

I'm really thinking that spring needs to come soon.  Either that or I'm admitting myself to an insane asylum.  I think the one I might choose is in Key West on a remote island with no cell service.    It's called 'crazy shack for those suffering from  kidsdrivemenutsitis'.   In the meantime, I guess I'll just sit here listening to the latest news of 'she touched my stuff' and ' he took my bendaroos' and 'they are breathing my air'.....  oh, the last one was me......

HA!   So, I took down my last post, so if you read it, ok.  Not a big deal.  If you didn't read it, then you were too late. =)     A little birdie told me I might be too harsh and I had to agree so I decided to take it down.  Right after I wrote it, I thought to myself, "self, that sounds a little bitchy"  but you know, I rarely listen to myself so I left it up and thankfully that little birdie loved me enough to mention it.  So thanks little bird.

SO, i feel the need to talk about two very important people in my life.   I have to admit that I'm in love with two men.  Actually I have five men in my life, but I'll just focus on two right now. 
I'm talking about my two little boys that have now gone and grown up to be men.  I really can't believe the nerve of these two.  I told them not to do it, but once again they didn't listen.

Justin is 21 and Jake isn't far behind at 19.  It's all so crazy to think that  not too long ago I was helping them put on their snowsuits to play outside or carting Justin to little league and Jake to soccer. Now they have their own cars, pay their own insurance and pretty much are self-sufficient.
I'm probably not the only mother in the world that swells with pride each time their kids do something amazing, but it always makes me  honestly thank God for the men they have become.   Mostly because I know that I failed as a mom more times in the day than there were minutes on the clock and some days I probably should have just been sent away.  I guess God's grace is way more sufficient than I realize. 
Jake is going to graduate this May with an associates in Culinary and will make the best Chef any place he decides to work.  He has this way about him that he can walk into a room and everyone falls in love with him.  Partly because he won't stop moving and doing something funny so unless you are dead or dull, you have to laugh.  There isn't anything that he can't do once he sets his mind to it.  It's quite amazing!
It's not always been easy for Jake or with Jake either.  His activity level is one cause of annoyance for a mother who dreams of quiet at the end of the day, but had I known what a cool dude he would be at 19, I might have cut him some slack more often.  He has had his share of hard times and stupid stunts, but at the end of the day, he has come through and grown into this man who makes me glad I'm his mom.
Justin is going to finish his fourth year in college this may.  He won't have his bachelors yet because he took a year to go to Bible college.  Can I just say that it was the best year he has ever spent?  Going into it, I think he thought after the first week he was going to jump ship, but he held on and I know he is glad he did.  It was the first time that I could actually SEE someone mature.
I think one of the best parts of being a mom is when I get a phone call at 10 or 11 at night from the boys.  No, seriously.  Even when I'm sound asleep I am always happy when they call.   Ya know why?  Because I know that THEY know that they can call ANY time and talk.  Whether it's because they just got out of work and didn't realize the time, or because they needed to ask how to do something, or just to vent, I absolutely LOVE it. 
The other best part is when I can introduce them to a friend of mine they don't know.  I think it's because I know, that I've probably gushed on and on at how awesome they are to this friend and so when I introduce them, they have no clue that I've pretty much made them sound like a god. 
I really don't think kids know how big a mothers love is.  It goes beyond a love they can even understand.  The amazing thing is that if God loves us even a fraction of how much a mothers love equals, then WHOA!

Gardening in my mind....... the only safe place to do it

I've been thinking about spring lately.   Yeah, I know, it's only the end of January and we have 3 more months until it gets here and because I live in upstate NY it's probably closer to 4 months until we see any sort of clear ground.  It's just that as soon as I've had enough of the cold stuff, my brain starts to activate this fresh dirt chemical that makes me think of chirping birds, tree's budding, flowers growing.... that sort of thing.  I'm not 100% sure the dirt chemical is a proven scientific fact so I'll have to get back to you on that, but wishing for spring is a sure bet!  I was in the store yesterday and I saw seed packets and mini bags of potting soil and I was drooling like Martha Stewart had just cooked a meal in front of me.  Maybe that would be the way to go.....  I could be the gardener for Martha Stewart!  Except, as part of my salary requirements, she would have to fly me someplace warm from the beginning of Dec. to mid April so I could start the seeds in the proper temperature.  Nothing to extravagant, maybe someplace like Key West, or the Caribbean....... and of course the new born plants would need to be flown home on a private jet so they didn't get stressed.      Yeah, I think that is the way it should work.  Unfortunately in the real world, my garden will probably be a set of containers sitting forlornly on my deck hoping and praying I don't forget to water them once a day.   You see, I'm not the avid gardener as my dream job would suggest.   I'm more of a "lets go see what grandma is growing" type of lady.    Even though every January I dream of gorgeous towering tomato plants and beautiful bountiful bush beans (yes I did just go there) , and cucumbers the size of baseball bats I know that in reality that the only way I'm going to get any fresh vegi's is to stop by the local farmers market.  I'm not sure where the disconnect is in my brain when it comes to Gardening 101.  My mom can grow just about anything and make it look like she prayed over each and every seed that she stuck in the ground.  I'm pretty sure she has had a successful garden ever since I can remember.   Even two years ago during the Great Tomato Blight (yes it was real) she still managed to save hundreds of tomatoes while her neighbor lost every last one.  So I'm really hoping my mom never meets Martha or I will be out of a job!
Oh who knows..... maybe this year will be different.  Maybe I will turn over the soil with shovel and hoe so it can be turned into a garden that Martha would kill for.     I'll let you know how it turns out........  as soon as the snow clears.........  sometime in July.