My heart has been thumping erratically again lately which is quite annoying to say the least. I refuse to go to the doctor because I'm sick of them telling me it's stress. However, last time I knew, stress could and does cause heart attacks. Oh well. I guess if my ticker stops tocking then someone can tell the doctors "i told you so" for me. I was thinking a while ago about my funeral. I know, it's a morbid thought but oh well. No, I'm not suicidal. I am too much of a chicken to do that. Anyway..... these are my wishes in the event I croak.......
I want a FUNeral. I want waiters walking around serving wine and cheese at my wake. I want party music and a dance floor. In my casket, I want one finger up my nose, the other giving a thumbs up and my eyes crossed and I really want my tongue sticking out of my mouth. I think it would be great if someone could figure out how to rig up a motion sensor and when people walk up to pay their last respects "I" can say things like, "have a great day", "don't cry for me argentina", "boo", "wow, there really are dogs in heaven", and who knows what else. Also, since I'll be dead anyway, if someone could have them take off about 80 pounds and make me look super skinny and put me in a pair of skinny jeans and a tank top then that would be great. Leave the boobs the way they are. Well, tack them up where they should be, but you get the idea.
Well, i guess I better get back to reality. No time to die this week. Until the kids are old I'm pretty sure my schedule is packed so heaven will have to wait.
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