Ok, sooooo, it's been kind of a hard few weeks. Yep, not gonna lie or pretend to be perfect. That might shock some, I know, but I guess the truth must come out sooner or later (she says tongue in cheek).
I know some people don't agree with the use of mood/anxiety stabilizing drugs, I get that..... sort of. Don't necessarily agree but that's another blog.......Anyhoo, back in January after I had what I thought was a heart attack but wasn't, I went on Prozac for anxiety. I know, what could I possibly be anxious about right? So, I went on it and life was grand, UNTIL allergy sneezon hit! Then I started downing Benadryl like it was water and I figured maybe I should lay off the Prozac for awhile, Ya know the whole drug interaction thing.......... long story long...... I went off the Prozac cold turkey. Can I just tell you that it was a really BAD idea? Two weeks later, I'm a freaking out, blubbering fool without a clue. Yeah, so guess what? I made an appointment with the Allergist; thank God for PPO insurance plans that don't require a referral....... AND I started medicating again. And they all said AMEN! Seriously.
Onto another story...... Ally hurt her shoulder a few weeks ago..... she had an MRI on it last friday and I called yesterday to get the results. Nope, can't give them to me over the phone, we have to go in to see the doctor. UGH! Ok, i guess I should be glad that he wants to see her again. He obviously cares about his patients.... but I'm sort of nervous about what it might mean. Did they see something on the MRI? Will it mean surgery? Maybe just physical therapy? (said as I grab the bottle of Prozac and down a few) Then on top of it all the Gastrointestinal doc calls about Slayt and wants to put him on a third Medication for spazms and do an upper and lower barrium swallow study. EEK!!!!! Do you think they have Prozac in liquid form that I can just inject into a central line?
Onto another and final story...... my brakes went out on my car. Yep. Jake was driving and THANKFULLY he was able to stop but he got home, Ron looked at it and saw that the break line had broke. NICE!!!!!! Now, some of you might not recall that my breaks completely went out a year ago coming down the hill ( a very steep, scary hill) in Ron's old truck. Somehow (yes Virginia there IS a God) I made the turn at the bottom of the hill and slowly came to a stop, but let me tell you, it was a LONG time before I could drive over 30 miles an hour and you might as well forget about me coming down hills. It has seriously taken me a year to get over having major panic attacks when I drive down a hill. SO, now that the break line went on my newish car, I'm kind of thinking that I might just give up driving all together. This might be my time to go completely green and bike everywhere. I wonder how long it would take to get to Florida or Arkansas on a bike carrying 6 kids? Hmmmmmm.
Well, maybe after all that you can understand why I need a little stress reducer in pill form. If not, then you are a better person than I......... or is it me, myself and I? How many of us are there anyway???? Oh, that's another blog.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
C'est la Vie
I find it interesting at how different the Christian view on things can be. I have found over the years that what one person or group of people believe to be the most important part of scripture can vary quite wide. I'm not talking about the basics of Christianity or the differences between Muslims and Christians. I'm strictly talking about bible believing folks. Those of us that believe that God came in the form of man (Jesus) died on the cross to save us and forgave our sins and died and went to Heaven and that he also takes the form of the Holy Spirit and He dwells within us in that form. Ok, now that we are all on the same page........
I have a friend who up until a couple years ago I thought that she and her husband had a direct line to God. Seriously. I hung on every word she said and agreed with her on everything relating to God and her thoughts on the subject. After much growth and partly because I grew something called a backbone, I realized that I didn't have to necessarily agree with EVERYTHING she said and if I didn't it didn't mean I was less of a Christian. I'm sure some would disagree with me about the less of a Christian part, but oh well. Back to my thought..... There are just parts of being a Christian that I find to not be or shouldn't be such a huge issue. Partly because it causes such a huge riff in the church and partly because I think the scripture can be interpreted differently on the subject. What is this subject you might ask? It's the whole gifts of the Holy Spirit thing. Now don't get me wrong. I do believe that there are gifts of the Holy Spirit. I just don't always agree with those that think that is the be all end all part of being a Christian. Ok, speaking in tongues...... that is a big one for some. Personally I believe that the Holy Spirit gives each of us the gift of speaking in tongues if we needed it to edify someone. BUT I believe the person would be able to understand what I was saying. AND I don't think I would have to TRY to do it. Let me give an example. I think that if I was speaking to someone that didn't know English.... and I started praying for that person or trying to witness to that person, the Holy Spirit would give me the ability to speak or pray to that person in their language. Otherwise what would be the purpose of speaking in tongues? It doesn't do me any good because I can't understand what I'm saying and If it isn't in anyone elses language that I'm talking to it doesn't do them any good. All it does is say "look at me, I'm more spiritual than you". Nope, not going to agree there. To be perfectly honest, I haven't studied ALL the different uses of speaking in tongues but honestly, am I going to be less of a Christian if I don't? I know there are those that would say "how can you call yourself a Christian if you don't believe that..." all I can say is Oh well.
The other thing that I've heard lately is that God doesn't allow bad things to happen, if bad things happen it's because the enemy has a hold on your life in some area. I absolutely disagree with that one. I don't think God WANTS bad things to happen, but I don't think that it's always because of sin in our lives or because we are allowing the devil into our lives that bad things do happen. I think bad things happen because we live in a fallen world. How we handle things is where our heart is. If we allow Christ to teach us through those tough times then awesome... if not then oh well. How we deal with things sometimes shows unbelievers Christ better than anything else. There is NO WAY someone could convince me that my Dad died because he allowed Satan in his life or had sin in his life. I think he died because of airplane failure and it was just time for him to go. Also, I'm pretty sure I was closer to the Lord than I had ever been when I had Daniel so how would me doing something sinful play a part in why he was born the way he was? First of all we sin all the time so with that logic we ALL would have sickness or bad things happening to us all the time, and second, Daniel has pointed my family and others to Christ MORE with his disabilities than if he had been born "normal".
Oh golly, I guess I could go on and on, but I won't. I just had this discussion with someone and it got me all hot and bothered so I thought I'd write....... if you disagree with me then I'm ok with that. If you agree with me then I'm ok with that too..... either way, pray for me because isn't that really the part that matters?
I have a friend who up until a couple years ago I thought that she and her husband had a direct line to God. Seriously. I hung on every word she said and agreed with her on everything relating to God and her thoughts on the subject. After much growth and partly because I grew something called a backbone, I realized that I didn't have to necessarily agree with EVERYTHING she said and if I didn't it didn't mean I was less of a Christian. I'm sure some would disagree with me about the less of a Christian part, but oh well. Back to my thought..... There are just parts of being a Christian that I find to not be or shouldn't be such a huge issue. Partly because it causes such a huge riff in the church and partly because I think the scripture can be interpreted differently on the subject. What is this subject you might ask? It's the whole gifts of the Holy Spirit thing. Now don't get me wrong. I do believe that there are gifts of the Holy Spirit. I just don't always agree with those that think that is the be all end all part of being a Christian. Ok, speaking in tongues...... that is a big one for some. Personally I believe that the Holy Spirit gives each of us the gift of speaking in tongues if we needed it to edify someone. BUT I believe the person would be able to understand what I was saying. AND I don't think I would have to TRY to do it. Let me give an example. I think that if I was speaking to someone that didn't know English.... and I started praying for that person or trying to witness to that person, the Holy Spirit would give me the ability to speak or pray to that person in their language. Otherwise what would be the purpose of speaking in tongues? It doesn't do me any good because I can't understand what I'm saying and If it isn't in anyone elses language that I'm talking to it doesn't do them any good. All it does is say "look at me, I'm more spiritual than you". Nope, not going to agree there. To be perfectly honest, I haven't studied ALL the different uses of speaking in tongues but honestly, am I going to be less of a Christian if I don't? I know there are those that would say "how can you call yourself a Christian if you don't believe that..." all I can say is Oh well.
The other thing that I've heard lately is that God doesn't allow bad things to happen, if bad things happen it's because the enemy has a hold on your life in some area. I absolutely disagree with that one. I don't think God WANTS bad things to happen, but I don't think that it's always because of sin in our lives or because we are allowing the devil into our lives that bad things do happen. I think bad things happen because we live in a fallen world. How we handle things is where our heart is. If we allow Christ to teach us through those tough times then awesome... if not then oh well. How we deal with things sometimes shows unbelievers Christ better than anything else. There is NO WAY someone could convince me that my Dad died because he allowed Satan in his life or had sin in his life. I think he died because of airplane failure and it was just time for him to go. Also, I'm pretty sure I was closer to the Lord than I had ever been when I had Daniel so how would me doing something sinful play a part in why he was born the way he was? First of all we sin all the time so with that logic we ALL would have sickness or bad things happening to us all the time, and second, Daniel has pointed my family and others to Christ MORE with his disabilities than if he had been born "normal".
Oh golly, I guess I could go on and on, but I won't. I just had this discussion with someone and it got me all hot and bothered so I thought I'd write....... if you disagree with me then I'm ok with that. If you agree with me then I'm ok with that too..... either way, pray for me because isn't that really the part that matters?
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Kids say the darndest things.
One of my college age sons (I have two and it wasn't the oldest) came to Ron and I the other night and said "So, I want to live at Grams for the summer". Now, I don't know if he was expecting me to be upset, or cry..... he has very valid reasons why he wants to. Well, valid for an 18 year old. In his world he sees it as a hard transition to go from being away at college to coming back into the fold and being required to say, weedwack or mow or whatnot. Even eating what I prepare for dinner is not fun for him because he has been at Culinary school. Soooooo he wants to be 'free' of the ol ball and chain like his big brother was at that age. Back to how I feel about this. I say " fine with me bucko". First of all, I know that there will be guidelines of what he can and can't do at grams. Grandpa isn't always the most fun person to be with and Grandma eats Gluten free so if he wants something Yummy he will have to fend for himself. Ha! I'm seriously giddy! I know, he will NEVER, EVER, EVER tell me it's not going well for him down there if that is where he makes his bed, but that's ok. He has to remember, I grew up at grandma's house, well yeah, it was my moms but same thing. He also has to understand that it's just as hard for us to get used to him being back as it is for him to come back. We ALL have our own routine. However, where I was willing to make some concessions, like give him his own room and move everyone around, he still felt the need to bolt. Ahhhh the tempestuous teenager.
Now his biggest challenge will be for him to actually aquire a job AND get the car that we gave to him on the road, pay for insurance and make enough money to put gas in his car. Ok, he sort of might have a job. I'll give him that. He talked to a guy who needs house painters. BUT he hasn't talked to him since and even if he does get the job, he is wholly dependant on the weather.Almost working doesn't pay the bills... at least not at our house. Maybe it's different in the real world. I don't like to go there often, it's not a fun place.
Soooo this whole moving transition thing isn't going to happen overnight but that is what he would like to do. It's going to be all up to him and Grandma AND Grandpa, and the latter might not be so easy to convince it's a good idea.
Anyway, that is my life right now. Well, part of my life. Kids are awesome, aren't they? Most of the time, yes..... then there are the times when you just have to say "welcome to the real world".
Now his biggest challenge will be for him to actually aquire a job AND get the car that we gave to him on the road, pay for insurance and make enough money to put gas in his car. Ok, he sort of might have a job. I'll give him that. He talked to a guy who needs house painters. BUT he hasn't talked to him since and even if he does get the job, he is wholly dependant on the weather.Almost working doesn't pay the bills... at least not at our house. Maybe it's different in the real world. I don't like to go there often, it's not a fun place.
Soooo this whole moving transition thing isn't going to happen overnight but that is what he would like to do. It's going to be all up to him and Grandma AND Grandpa, and the latter might not be so easy to convince it's a good idea.
Anyway, that is my life right now. Well, part of my life. Kids are awesome, aren't they? Most of the time, yes..... then there are the times when you just have to say "welcome to the real world".
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Family matters
I find it really funny at how no matter how hard we try, most of the time as humans we take the ones for granted that really should be the most important people in our lives. So often we choose friends, girl-friends, boy-friends, pets, and the list could go on, instead of making the people who have been with us from the beginning our priority.
Unfortunately I've seen it with my own sisters and grandparents. Days, weeks and even months can go by without talking to them. Now my grandparents are gone and I kick myself for not taking the time while they were here to make them a priority to go see more often. I let stuff get in the way. I let my own selfishness for "fun" or getting stuff done take precedence over spending time with the people that had an instrumental part of me even being on this planet. Gosh, what a waste of my time. Now they are all gone and I've missed my chance to be with them. You would think I'd learn my lesson and take better care of preserving the other family relationships I have. Nope. I can go months without talking to a couple of my sisters. Not because I don't care about them or love them, it's just that I talk myself out of calling or whatnot. I tell myself that they are busy or wouldn't want to talk..... well, who cares. I should try. I find out all the info from our mom, but what happens when she is gone? Then what? I see the same patten happening with my own kids. That breaks my heart. The older kids are gone most of the year to college, jobs, etc.... the little ones look forward all year long to see them and then the boys get home and being pestered by little kids is the last thing they want to do. The only thing is, they don't realize that they are hero's in the minds of their brothers and sisters. No matter what they do, or how much they argue, the little kids want to be just like the older ones.
It's something that I see the older I get. Family matters. Family matters a LOT. You don't have to agree, get a long, or even be their "favorite"...... it just matters that it's family. Through thick or thin your brothers, sisters,mom, dad, aunts, uncles, grandparents need to know that you have their back. Come hell or high water that bond should not be allowed to be broken.
In today's day and age it is a cell phone world. Most of us do not leave the house without our cell phone. So why is it that we don't stay in touch more often with our family? It's not like the phone call has to last a long time. Pick it up, dial, say "Hi I was just thinking about you and wanted to say hello" and call it good. Sometimes you might talk longer, sometimes you might have to leave a message. At least the point has gotten across. Family matters.
After my dad died, I lost touch with lots of my dad's side of the family. Granted, I was only 5 so I'm not really sure how "in touch" i was in the first place....... but still. There was one person in particular that didn't keep in contact with us and that hurt. It hurt pretty bad. In fact I grew to pretty much hate that person. Maybe it was my own fault for letting it bug me that much, but I just assumed he would want to...... when I realized that we didn't matter that much to him I grew resentful..... Now that I'm older I can understand a little better about how and why that would happen. Life goes on...... but with family, life shouldn't just "go on". It should go on with family. Family reunions shouldn't happen only at funerals. We hear ourselves saying "oh we need to get together instead of only here at the funeral home"...... well, we say it, but do we mean it? It's been forever since I've been to Arkansas with my kids to see my sister. It's been 11 years. I've seen her, but only because she comes here........ that sucks. What is sooo important that I can't take a trip out to see her? Make sure she knows that I think she is important enough to travel to see her? She is. I go to see my mom in Fl when she is down there and so I see my other sister when I go down but to be honest, would I go down there just to spend time with her if my mom wasn't there? I'd LOVE to say yes, but honestly, I'd probably let other things get in the way. I'ts just frustrating sometimes. If money was no option I'd go see all my family every year..... but alas, money is needed........ However, I'm getting off on a tangent. I'm actually borderline becoming pissed at someone who I feel makes it hard to do that sort of thing...... so I will stop.
We need to decide if family IS really important to us or not. If it is do something about it. Call, write, visit, etc..... if it's not then I guess there isn't anything more to say........ except I feel sorry for you.
Unfortunately I've seen it with my own sisters and grandparents. Days, weeks and even months can go by without talking to them. Now my grandparents are gone and I kick myself for not taking the time while they were here to make them a priority to go see more often. I let stuff get in the way. I let my own selfishness for "fun" or getting stuff done take precedence over spending time with the people that had an instrumental part of me even being on this planet. Gosh, what a waste of my time. Now they are all gone and I've missed my chance to be with them. You would think I'd learn my lesson and take better care of preserving the other family relationships I have. Nope. I can go months without talking to a couple of my sisters. Not because I don't care about them or love them, it's just that I talk myself out of calling or whatnot. I tell myself that they are busy or wouldn't want to talk..... well, who cares. I should try. I find out all the info from our mom, but what happens when she is gone? Then what? I see the same patten happening with my own kids. That breaks my heart. The older kids are gone most of the year to college, jobs, etc.... the little ones look forward all year long to see them and then the boys get home and being pestered by little kids is the last thing they want to do. The only thing is, they don't realize that they are hero's in the minds of their brothers and sisters. No matter what they do, or how much they argue, the little kids want to be just like the older ones.
It's something that I see the older I get. Family matters. Family matters a LOT. You don't have to agree, get a long, or even be their "favorite"...... it just matters that it's family. Through thick or thin your brothers, sisters,mom, dad, aunts, uncles, grandparents need to know that you have their back. Come hell or high water that bond should not be allowed to be broken.
In today's day and age it is a cell phone world. Most of us do not leave the house without our cell phone. So why is it that we don't stay in touch more often with our family? It's not like the phone call has to last a long time. Pick it up, dial, say "Hi I was just thinking about you and wanted to say hello" and call it good. Sometimes you might talk longer, sometimes you might have to leave a message. At least the point has gotten across. Family matters.
After my dad died, I lost touch with lots of my dad's side of the family. Granted, I was only 5 so I'm not really sure how "in touch" i was in the first place....... but still. There was one person in particular that didn't keep in contact with us and that hurt. It hurt pretty bad. In fact I grew to pretty much hate that person. Maybe it was my own fault for letting it bug me that much, but I just assumed he would want to...... when I realized that we didn't matter that much to him I grew resentful..... Now that I'm older I can understand a little better about how and why that would happen. Life goes on...... but with family, life shouldn't just "go on". It should go on with family. Family reunions shouldn't happen only at funerals. We hear ourselves saying "oh we need to get together instead of only here at the funeral home"...... well, we say it, but do we mean it? It's been forever since I've been to Arkansas with my kids to see my sister. It's been 11 years. I've seen her, but only because she comes here........ that sucks. What is sooo important that I can't take a trip out to see her? Make sure she knows that I think she is important enough to travel to see her? She is. I go to see my mom in Fl when she is down there and so I see my other sister when I go down but to be honest, would I go down there just to spend time with her if my mom wasn't there? I'd LOVE to say yes, but honestly, I'd probably let other things get in the way. I'ts just frustrating sometimes. If money was no option I'd go see all my family every year..... but alas, money is needed........ However, I'm getting off on a tangent. I'm actually borderline becoming pissed at someone who I feel makes it hard to do that sort of thing...... so I will stop.
We need to decide if family IS really important to us or not. If it is do something about it. Call, write, visit, etc..... if it's not then I guess there isn't anything more to say........ except I feel sorry for you.
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