oh to be a woman

Oh to be a woman.   Most of the time I have to say it is a really awesome thing.  It's days when the hair won't do a darn thing, my legs look like hamburg because the razor is dull and 'aunt mary' comes to visit right in the middle of  the grocery store. 
I think most women can agree that being a woman can be torturous and humiliating at times.  Take the gyno for example.   Now, first of all I think the majority of whooha doc's are males.  That right there has to tell you something.  My OB/GYN is prime example of a doctor with NO qualms of telling me I've let myself go all while I'm butt naked from the waist down with my legs spread  farther apart than the north and south pole.  What am I going to say?  I'm not about to argue with a man who has a metal torture device which has just sprung my va-JJ open so wide you could drive a truck through.   When I had my second son, my placenta was attached to scar tissue and the doctor had to reach inside to scrape it off so I wouldn't bleed.  Do  you think he gave me any drugs?  That would be a no.  I'm pretty sure if a man had been laying on the table and the doctor had crawled inside like mine did, he would have died right there on the table.   But no, I laid there, begging him to  shoot me while he crawled inside and did a dance on my uterus and set off fireworks on his way out. 
Then we as women get to have mammograms every year.  Well, they start when a woman is forty so I am just writing based on hear-say on this one.  I have heard though that during a mammogram, you are asked to place your bossom onto the slab like a sacrifice and watch as your breast is squished flat.  Now what kind of sadist  came up with that machine?  Did someone sit around in an office somewhere and say," how can we take a picture of the inside of a womans boob? Oh I know, we can put it between a door and slam the doors shut?"     Yeah, great idea Mr. Inventor.  Gosh, and we as women just go along like lambs to the slaughter and offer our sacrifices to the gods.  Well, this chick is taking her lambs to no such place.  My lady lumps will stay firmly on the ground where they belong. 
And last but not least, I will talk about hormones.  Ahhh, the joys of hormonal inbalance.  I've noticed that my 8 year old has started to show signs of  pre-pre- pms.  My sixteen year old has definitely become inbalanced and I've been inbalanced so long I walk with one arm and one leg.    Thanks Eve, ya had to go and eat the darn apple didn't ya?  And what did that get us?  I think PMS is God's way of saying " I told you so". 
Now don't get me wrong, I love being a woman.  But men have to realize they have it so much easier.   And if they think they don't then I say it's time to start designing a mammogram machine for men.