what is a dad anyway?

Good afternoon readers.  I was just having a convo with my husband and he made a comment about my nephew Chase.  He said it looks like he enjoys being a dad.  You see, my nephew and his wife just had their first baby and it does look like they thoroughly enjoy parenthood.  It got me thinking though about men and why one guy can be the perfect dad and other men are just plain clueless.  I guess I shouldn't use the word "perfect".  Nobody is going to be the perfect parent no matter how hard they try.  Believe me, I've tried and failed miserably.  But I'm going backwards and that isn't what I intended.....  Back to dads.  I thought about my sons.  I have 4.  The two oldest are potentially ready to have kids.  Well, they are at the age when they could have kids.  Neither is ready at the moment but on any account, they could.  Ok, my oldest son is 20.  I think he will end up just being a naturally good dad.  He seems like he will be the type of dad that does things with his kids, takes them places, is patient, will teach them the important things that only dads can and so on.  It seems, like it will just be natural.  My second oldest son, who is 18, says that he doesn't want kids and I can believe him.  IF, and it's a big if, he ever decides to have kids, I think it will take a concerted effort to spend time and be a 'dad'.   Now is that a bad thing?  No, not if he does make the effort.  If it doesn't come naturally and a man has a child, they need to try and do what it takes to be a dad.
Growing up, I had a step father.  My dad had died when I was 5 and my mom remarried about 5 or 6 years later.  Now, I love my step-dad, don't get me wrong.  We don't always agree by any stretch of the imagination, but i still love him.  However, he wasn't the kind of dad that girls dream of having.  Who knows, maybe if I had been a boy he would have been that kind of dad for me that I always wanted.  But, i'm not, and that's ok.  My SD had been a bachelor for a very LONG time and just didn't know what the heck a daughter needed, but my mom filled in the gaps and I think I turned out alright.   That doesn't mean that  I've ever stopped wanting that 'daddy' or whatever it is I seem to be looking for.  Yeah, I know, God is a father to the fatherless.  I think that people that recite that just don't know what it's like.  Yes, God is a father to the fatherless.  I get that, but it's not the same thing as a father in PERSON, living flesh, to the fatherless.   So, again I digress.  Back to men and their role as fathers according to Jeanette....... 
I believe one of the hardest thing men find in being a great dad is the relationship factor.  Many men just don't get it.  It's easy, or easier, for moms I believe.  It just comes natural to us. For men on the other hand, it can be almost painful to develop a relationship with your kid. I think some guys think that if they are in the same house and eat dinner and carry on a conversation at the dinner table then they have built the relationship.  Uh, no, not by a long shot.  It takes time, years and lots of trying to build relationships.  Many men know their sports teams or favorite talk radio host better than they know their sons and daughters.  That is pathetic.  Most good moms could tell you what their kids favorite color or music or food is.  Yes, it can change at any given moment, but realistically, with 80% accuracy most moms could give you that information. A lot of dads could not. 
Ok, I think I've probably done a pretty good job at making many male readers annoyed.  That really wasn't my intention.  I'm just pointing out what some men/fathers do or don't do.  If you are a dad that spends quality time with your kids and the blackberry isn't in the palm of your hand while your doing it, then great job!  If you are willing to pop the kids in the car and whisk them away to go to the store or go to the park without expecting mom to come along then I say KUDO's to you.   If you are the dad that never wrestles with your sons or hugs your daughters then I would just ask why?  To the fathers that can't be bothered to take their child to the park or a museaum or movie then I would just say try harder.  It's not easy to be a parent.  I'm sure it's hard to be a dad with all the responsiblities that you have.  Providing for your family is hard and most of the time seems like a never ending battle.  I think it's important for all men to understand that the memories you build now with your kids are much more important than any thing else you can do.  It doesn't take a lot of time to build the relationships that will last a life time.  It's those memories that will sustain your kids when the going gets hard.  Don't expect your kids to trust you with their problems and their lives if you haven't been willing to share your time and energy on them.  It's your choice to make what time you have count and how you want it counted.