Why is it that time is going faster? Seriously, it is. When I was young, time seemed to move at a snails pace in winter and now it seems like the weeks race by like a greyhound on steroids...... sheesh! I'm pretty positive that it was last week that my now 17 yr old was 10 and my now 12 year old was 5. Yeah, seriously. It used to bug the heck out of me when people would tell me as a new mother that "time would go by fast and enjoy it while I could", because first of all, I thought I knew it all and second of all, I was usually sleep deprived and only wanted to get back to the days of sleeping until at least 8am...... Well, now here we are 21 years since it all began and they were right! Time did go by fast.
Today we went to Rock City, which after going, I"m not sure why we have never gone there. It was amazing! I surprised myself that I didn't have a heart attack because of the crevices that were waiting to swallow the kids at each step. I couldn't go there with the older boys, because 21 and 19 year olds just don't listen to their mother anymore and I'm positive that they would try to jump a boulder and end up at the bottom of the canyon crumpled....... all while their poor helpless mother (me) watches in horror. Little do they know is that I would put "i told you to listen" on their headstones........
Last night I was watching Mythbusters, yeah, I"m a geek. Anyway, they did this experiment with a dummy and they dropped it 100ft into the water to see what the impact would be. Well, needless to say the dummy died, or it would have if it was real. Which made me think of the boys and their cliff jumping,,,,,,, and think, and think, and think........ that's when I decided to open a bottle of wine. Why worry when I can wine? Knowing that they wouldn't believe me if I told them that at 100ft, they would die, or be dismembered at the very least, I think I will just have them watch Mythbusters when it comes back on as a rerun..... however, i'm not so sure they will believe me even then..... oh gosh...... is it time for another glass of wine?
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Thursday, October 14, 2010
it's been a long time....
Oh my word! It's been over a month since I've written. Life just keeps chugging along and most of the time I feel like I am running to catch up. The summer went wayyyyyyy to quickly and here we are already half way through October.
It's been a busy, crazy fall so far. Yeah, I know, it's only been fall for about 3 or 4 weeks, right? UGH! Since the beginning of September, I've been to North Carolina, Abby has had her wisdom teeth out, we begun installing new windows and insulation and Danny has been having meltdowns every stinking day.
All of the busyness is manageable, except for the Danny meltdowns. It was about three weeks ago that his teacher had to physically pull him from me because he was just clinging to me. Yeah, that just about makes me shiver thinking about it. There isn't a day that goes by that he doesn't cry or complain about hating school or not wanting to go. Yeah, I know, what kid WANTS to go to school? But this whole thing is way more than just your typical school aversion. First of all, Ron and I are pretty darn sure that 3rd grade is way to stinking hard for him. Why? Well, because he can't count past 30 without help most days, adding or subtracting anything more than single digits is over his head and up until this year he has been fine with school. Oh, did I mention that the tests the school psychologist did last year showed that he was consistently at a k.9- 1.3 grade level in math and no more than a 2.1 grade level in any area. Seems to me, they should have kept him back. Well, the school doesn't want to do that because they figure they can't keep retaining him....... well, then sorry charlie, but you can't expect him to keep up with his peers just because he gets older. He is socially and academically behind. But what the heck do I know? I'm just the mother. SHEESH!!!!!
Next on my list is this whole writing a book ish type thing. Yeah, so I'm submitting an entry to a writing contest. It has to be something inspirational, uplifting, something that changed my life. Hmmmmmm, what to write about? Did I mention it had to be 10,000 words or more? Hmmmmmm again. So, today I started writing. I had one story idea in my brain so i typed away frantically for awhile. Then my gray matter stopped working. That's when I figure a food break is needed. Come back to the computer and still nothing. So I start a second topic...... write frantically again and AGAIN, the brain quits. Go back to the first story, write, crash, eat......... and that is how the rest of my day went. I'm hoping that if I can at least keep up some sort of writing then at least I will get somewhere, somehow. Blogging is so much easier... grammar doesn't count, i'm not being judged, well........, at least grammar doesn't count.
It's been a busy, crazy fall so far. Yeah, I know, it's only been fall for about 3 or 4 weeks, right? UGH! Since the beginning of September, I've been to North Carolina, Abby has had her wisdom teeth out, we begun installing new windows and insulation and Danny has been having meltdowns every stinking day.
All of the busyness is manageable, except for the Danny meltdowns. It was about three weeks ago that his teacher had to physically pull him from me because he was just clinging to me. Yeah, that just about makes me shiver thinking about it. There isn't a day that goes by that he doesn't cry or complain about hating school or not wanting to go. Yeah, I know, what kid WANTS to go to school? But this whole thing is way more than just your typical school aversion. First of all, Ron and I are pretty darn sure that 3rd grade is way to stinking hard for him. Why? Well, because he can't count past 30 without help most days, adding or subtracting anything more than single digits is over his head and up until this year he has been fine with school. Oh, did I mention that the tests the school psychologist did last year showed that he was consistently at a k.9- 1.3 grade level in math and no more than a 2.1 grade level in any area. Seems to me, they should have kept him back. Well, the school doesn't want to do that because they figure they can't keep retaining him....... well, then sorry charlie, but you can't expect him to keep up with his peers just because he gets older. He is socially and academically behind. But what the heck do I know? I'm just the mother. SHEESH!!!!!
Next on my list is this whole writing a book ish type thing. Yeah, so I'm submitting an entry to a writing contest. It has to be something inspirational, uplifting, something that changed my life. Hmmmmmm, what to write about? Did I mention it had to be 10,000 words or more? Hmmmmmm again. So, today I started writing. I had one story idea in my brain so i typed away frantically for awhile. Then my gray matter stopped working. That's when I figure a food break is needed. Come back to the computer and still nothing. So I start a second topic...... write frantically again and AGAIN, the brain quits. Go back to the first story, write, crash, eat......... and that is how the rest of my day went. I'm hoping that if I can at least keep up some sort of writing then at least I will get somewhere, somehow. Blogging is so much easier... grammar doesn't count, i'm not being judged, well........, at least grammar doesn't count.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Wow, what a summer this has been and now it's almost come to an end. I spent about six weeks of the summer pretty much either sleeping or sitting in a chair doing nothing. Somehow I caught Mono and that sent my body into a tizzy....... darn sickness. My heart ended up playing games with me and that added to the stress/tiredness. I am sooooo glad I am back to normal. Or at least as normal as I can get I guess. Now here we are on the last day of summer vacation and it will be spent taking Slayt to the doctor for shots, getting groceries and last minute school supplies, which should prove to be a grand time considering last time I was in Wallyworld I wanted to scream and run through the crowd knocking everyone over with my cart. I have a thing with chaos and crowds.... what can I say? However, I did restrain myself and was able to get out of there without losing my salvation. =)
We did end up going camping this summer which was FANTASTIC....... oh, did I mention it was FANTASTIC? That is how good it was. The kids and I left on a monday and went to Stoney Fork which is down near the PA grand canyon. It was the most relaxing place on earth. I swear if I win the superbowl, I"m not going to Disney World, but I will be going to stoney fork. The kids swam in the creek, practiced their skills in the pool, emptied my pockets of change at the game room, rode paddle boats and best of all, fished in the pond. When we got there Abby and I realized that the most important part of the tent was missing but never underestimate the power of the Norman/Cline women! We used our ingenuity and rigged the tent up with duck tape and twine. Hey, it stayed up and gave us something to laugh about.
On our way home we stopped and took a covered wagon ride pulled by Perchiron Horses through the PA Grand Canyon. It was beautiful!
My #2 son was home all summer from College and it turned out to be a wonderful time with him home. He had planned on moving out and down to Grams but it didnt' work out that way so he stayed home. It was a relatively stress free and enjoyable time with him home. I really miss him now that he is gone back to school. That's the downside of having a great relationship with your kids.... you miss them too darn much when they aren't around. =)
The #1 son now has his own house/apartment that he is renting in Rochester....... I don't think they should let 5 year olds rent...... Ok, so he really is 21 but where the heck did the time go?
And now we are at summers end and the kids are heading back to school tomorrow. Insert my happy dance here.
Three months ago I couldn't wait for the kids to be done with school and home.... now I'm looking forward to being able to keep my house clean for at least 5 hours at a time while they are IN school...... and now let the homework begin.
We did end up going camping this summer which was FANTASTIC....... oh, did I mention it was FANTASTIC? That is how good it was. The kids and I left on a monday and went to Stoney Fork which is down near the PA grand canyon. It was the most relaxing place on earth. I swear if I win the superbowl, I"m not going to Disney World, but I will be going to stoney fork. The kids swam in the creek, practiced their skills in the pool, emptied my pockets of change at the game room, rode paddle boats and best of all, fished in the pond. When we got there Abby and I realized that the most important part of the tent was missing but never underestimate the power of the Norman/Cline women! We used our ingenuity and rigged the tent up with duck tape and twine. Hey, it stayed up and gave us something to laugh about.
On our way home we stopped and took a covered wagon ride pulled by Perchiron Horses through the PA Grand Canyon. It was beautiful!
My #2 son was home all summer from College and it turned out to be a wonderful time with him home. He had planned on moving out and down to Grams but it didnt' work out that way so he stayed home. It was a relatively stress free and enjoyable time with him home. I really miss him now that he is gone back to school. That's the downside of having a great relationship with your kids.... you miss them too darn much when they aren't around. =)
The #1 son now has his own house/apartment that he is renting in Rochester....... I don't think they should let 5 year olds rent...... Ok, so he really is 21 but where the heck did the time go?
And now we are at summers end and the kids are heading back to school tomorrow. Insert my happy dance here.
Three months ago I couldn't wait for the kids to be done with school and home.... now I'm looking forward to being able to keep my house clean for at least 5 hours at a time while they are IN school...... and now let the homework begin.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Daddy Daydreams
It's odd how a person forgets the sound of someones voice, their touch or their smell. All I can say is he was tall, dark and handsome, at least in my eyes. I was five and he was my dad.
There isn't much I can remember about him. I can't remember what his voice sounded like. Was it loud and boisterous or was it soft and mellow? What did he smell like? Did he smell like Old Spice and airplane grease, or is that just a wish of a lonely girl longing to remember? There are faint memories of his fingernail being crooked and bent out of shape. Hints of remembrances from airplane rides....... nothing concrete, just quick flashes.
Richard Malcom Bowker is a legend in my mind. I've had him raised on pedestals and then knocked down to dust different times in my life. There were times that I wished as a young girl that he wasn't really dead. I longed for him to come back and kidnap me. I'd see men that I thought looked like him and dream that they were there to wisk me away. It wasn't that I didn't love my mom. I just wanted my dad. I NEEDED my dad and there are parts of me today that needs my dad. My feelings sometimes change to anger and resentfulness when I wish he had checked his airplane out better before he flew that day. When a father is taken away from his daughter, there is always a void. It won't be filled by things, by people, and not by fading memories.
My sisters had a longer time with my dad. Its funny. I still say, MY dad. Like I have dibbs on him. Either way, my sisters did have more time with him. They have their own memories. I'm sure some great memories, and some not so great. I've heard both. The part that I sometimes feel cheated out of is that my memories are a haze of what I've heard and what I actually remember. I'm often left with the question of " is that something I actually remember or something I've just heard repeated a 100 times?"
There was one time before he died that my sister and I were outside and when he came home from work he showed us the "blood" under our fingernails. He had us put our hands up to the headlights of his car and told us that the red behind our fingernails was our blood. For some strange reason, that is something I remember. Of ALL things to remember, and it was that. There are days when I think that we used to take walks in the woods but why would I know that? That would have happened when I was 3, so I highly doubt I can honestly remember that. On the other hand, who cares? Even if we didn't and it's a made up memory, it still is a nice one.
I remember the day he died and crawling into bed that night with my mom. That is when I started hating night time and it's not a coincidence that I still hate night time to this day. It's less dreaded, but it's not my favorite time. From that night until I was probably 8, memories of life sort of stop. Whether it was post traumatic stress or whatever else you want to call it, I don't recall much of what went on. Bits here, pieces there.......
It was as if life didn't matter and storing the thoughts and memories weren't important anymore.
Some days it's fine. I know life goes on and there really isn't any need to wallow in pity. Crappy things happen........ other days it's almost unbearable how much I want to hear his voice. But, I put on a happy face and make sure the world doesn't know that I'm having Daddy Daydreams..........
There isn't much I can remember about him. I can't remember what his voice sounded like. Was it loud and boisterous or was it soft and mellow? What did he smell like? Did he smell like Old Spice and airplane grease, or is that just a wish of a lonely girl longing to remember? There are faint memories of his fingernail being crooked and bent out of shape. Hints of remembrances from airplane rides....... nothing concrete, just quick flashes.
Richard Malcom Bowker is a legend in my mind. I've had him raised on pedestals and then knocked down to dust different times in my life. There were times that I wished as a young girl that he wasn't really dead. I longed for him to come back and kidnap me. I'd see men that I thought looked like him and dream that they were there to wisk me away. It wasn't that I didn't love my mom. I just wanted my dad. I NEEDED my dad and there are parts of me today that needs my dad. My feelings sometimes change to anger and resentfulness when I wish he had checked his airplane out better before he flew that day. When a father is taken away from his daughter, there is always a void. It won't be filled by things, by people, and not by fading memories.
My sisters had a longer time with my dad. Its funny. I still say, MY dad. Like I have dibbs on him. Either way, my sisters did have more time with him. They have their own memories. I'm sure some great memories, and some not so great. I've heard both. The part that I sometimes feel cheated out of is that my memories are a haze of what I've heard and what I actually remember. I'm often left with the question of " is that something I actually remember or something I've just heard repeated a 100 times?"
There was one time before he died that my sister and I were outside and when he came home from work he showed us the "blood" under our fingernails. He had us put our hands up to the headlights of his car and told us that the red behind our fingernails was our blood. For some strange reason, that is something I remember. Of ALL things to remember, and it was that. There are days when I think that we used to take walks in the woods but why would I know that? That would have happened when I was 3, so I highly doubt I can honestly remember that. On the other hand, who cares? Even if we didn't and it's a made up memory, it still is a nice one.
I remember the day he died and crawling into bed that night with my mom. That is when I started hating night time and it's not a coincidence that I still hate night time to this day. It's less dreaded, but it's not my favorite time. From that night until I was probably 8, memories of life sort of stop. Whether it was post traumatic stress or whatever else you want to call it, I don't recall much of what went on. Bits here, pieces there.......
It was as if life didn't matter and storing the thoughts and memories weren't important anymore.
Some days it's fine. I know life goes on and there really isn't any need to wallow in pity. Crappy things happen........ other days it's almost unbearable how much I want to hear his voice. But, I put on a happy face and make sure the world doesn't know that I'm having Daddy Daydreams..........
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
The truth about boys, men and the average trained monkey
When I was younger and more naive, I thought boys were herculean gods that were to be worshiped. Then I married one and gave birth to four of them. Now I am sane and know that these boys may think they are gods, but they are actually closer to a trained circus monkey. Lets take a gander down little boy to manhood lane......
When boys are young, they think that the world is theirs to conquer, draw on, chop down with swords and pelt with spit wads. Mothers are constantly doing their best to keep peace in the neighborhood and stores. The difference between a boy under the age of 10 and the 16 yr old is the cute factor. When your 3 year old wants to take the tricycle at Walmart for a test ride, well, that is cute; and it carries a high probability that the mother in tow will buy said trike for the tyke. 13 years in the future, the same boy will be taking the newest model out for a test ride, except instead of his mother in tow he will have 3 of his friends cheering him on and playing bumper trikes with each other.
One of my overactive sons used to, and still likes to do Parcour.... I'm not sure if that is the right spelling but it's the sport of jumping and flipping over stationary objects and landing on your feet... One frosty morning before school, this son of mine decided to run and vault over the hood of my car. He forgot to take into consideration the fact that it was morning and a thick heavy dew was on the car. Did I mention that it was slippery? Well, as we all were sitting in the car waiting patiently for him, he came running out the door, placed his hands not so firmly on the hood and proceeded to fly across the front of the car and land crumpled in the dirt on the other side. Not only was he mad at all of us for laughing, he was adamant that he could do it and land it the next time. Thankfully for his ego, he did. This is the same son who climbs trees, like a monkey, and waves at me from the top while the top of the tree is swaying back and forth like it's about to snap.
Most boys are like this. They have the inability to realize that they could get hurt. To tell them that is just wasting breath. Boys believe they have a built in suit of iron and 9 lives like the cat. Why else would insurance companies automatically make men pay more for car insurance than girls? They aren't stupid. They know that a guy is going to get in the car and decide that the speed limit is optional and it's more fun to play chicken with Grandma Gert who is driving down the street.
I did happen to raise a child that was rightfully scared of heights..... until he went to college. Then he decided he liked jumping off of cliffs. I can still hear myself asking them this question: "if all your friends jumped off a bridge would you?" I guess I got my answer..... and that would be a "yes". Now all I can say is please make sure you check the depth of the water. Although I'm pretty sure as soon as I say it their eyes glaze over and the voice inside their head sounds like the authority figures in the Peanuts TV specials... you know the ones I'm talking about, wha wah wah whwa wah.......
No matter how much they make my blood pressure go up, and even though I need to color the gray in my hair quite often, I will keep throwing them bananas..... after all, I have the best four monkeys a mom could ask for.
When boys are young, they think that the world is theirs to conquer, draw on, chop down with swords and pelt with spit wads. Mothers are constantly doing their best to keep peace in the neighborhood and stores. The difference between a boy under the age of 10 and the 16 yr old is the cute factor. When your 3 year old wants to take the tricycle at Walmart for a test ride, well, that is cute; and it carries a high probability that the mother in tow will buy said trike for the tyke. 13 years in the future, the same boy will be taking the newest model out for a test ride, except instead of his mother in tow he will have 3 of his friends cheering him on and playing bumper trikes with each other.
One of my overactive sons used to, and still likes to do Parcour.... I'm not sure if that is the right spelling but it's the sport of jumping and flipping over stationary objects and landing on your feet... One frosty morning before school, this son of mine decided to run and vault over the hood of my car. He forgot to take into consideration the fact that it was morning and a thick heavy dew was on the car. Did I mention that it was slippery? Well, as we all were sitting in the car waiting patiently for him, he came running out the door, placed his hands not so firmly on the hood and proceeded to fly across the front of the car and land crumpled in the dirt on the other side. Not only was he mad at all of us for laughing, he was adamant that he could do it and land it the next time. Thankfully for his ego, he did. This is the same son who climbs trees, like a monkey, and waves at me from the top while the top of the tree is swaying back and forth like it's about to snap.
Most boys are like this. They have the inability to realize that they could get hurt. To tell them that is just wasting breath. Boys believe they have a built in suit of iron and 9 lives like the cat. Why else would insurance companies automatically make men pay more for car insurance than girls? They aren't stupid. They know that a guy is going to get in the car and decide that the speed limit is optional and it's more fun to play chicken with Grandma Gert who is driving down the street.
I did happen to raise a child that was rightfully scared of heights..... until he went to college. Then he decided he liked jumping off of cliffs. I can still hear myself asking them this question: "if all your friends jumped off a bridge would you?" I guess I got my answer..... and that would be a "yes". Now all I can say is please make sure you check the depth of the water. Although I'm pretty sure as soon as I say it their eyes glaze over and the voice inside their head sounds like the authority figures in the Peanuts TV specials... you know the ones I'm talking about, wha wah wah whwa wah.......
No matter how much they make my blood pressure go up, and even though I need to color the gray in my hair quite often, I will keep throwing them bananas..... after all, I have the best four monkeys a mom could ask for.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Summer Rain
The sound of discontent making its way through the valley
It begins with a gentle rumbling and then gradually the murmuring gets louder until nothing else can be heard
Flashes of anger appear on the horizon and dance with random chaos; kissing the earth with its piercing tongue
Tears of sadness and pent up rage begin to flood the streams; churning the waters into a tangled mess
Then as if it had only been a dream, the atmosphere turns into a gentle mist
Clouds of forgiveness rise from the valley floor and once again everything is new
It begins with a gentle rumbling and then gradually the murmuring gets louder until nothing else can be heard
Flashes of anger appear on the horizon and dance with random chaos; kissing the earth with its piercing tongue
Tears of sadness and pent up rage begin to flood the streams; churning the waters into a tangled mess
Then as if it had only been a dream, the atmosphere turns into a gentle mist
Clouds of forgiveness rise from the valley floor and once again everything is new
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
It must be the heat........
I'm hoping it's just the heat. I've been getting more and more bummed this week and I really hope I am just not coping well because of the temperatures. This fat body just can't take it I guess.
I suppose it could be because after living easy life for a while after selling the house it's back to "normal" life and it's time to reign in the spending. That's part of it I guess. The other part is kids. Just kids in general. Summer time bickering and that sort of thing..... College kid that doesn't want to spend time with his mama...... Ya know, the usual.
I guess the other thing that bums me out is the inability to take a killer family vacation. I know, it sounds silly and very selfish, but I just am. When I say killer family vaca, I'm not talking about spending a ton of money. I'm just talking about being able to go somewhere. I'm so used to going places when I was younger and when the older kids were younger that I wish we could still do that. This time around it's somehow not a priority. Hmmmmm. Oh well. I'll get over it. I have to. Right?
The other things that bum me out are hearing how the world is going to hell in a hand basket fast. Or how the economy is going to crash.... again. BOO HISSSSS..... Honestly, I guess I just want to stay in my own little bubble and not think about it. I don't want to dwell on it. It's going to happen anyway so why talk about it and make everyone worry? We pretty much got what we deserved anyhoo. When you bail out companies with money we don't have and then ram a health care plan that we can't afford through, what does anyone expect?
And last but not least, I guess I'm sad that Danny is starting his summer school schedule next week. It's only 3 hours each morning, but it is still time away from him. I know, in a way I'm looking forward to the break, but most of me is just plain sad.
Sometimes I feel like I am an idiot and probably the only parent on earth that has a child with special needs that sometimes just feels sad and scared and whatever the heck else I'm feeling. I know that isn't true but it just feels that way. Then I feel guilty because I think of all the other people out there with kids that have WAY worse needs than Danny has and they probably would love to have a child as easy(in comparision) as Danny. So I know there is no need for me to feel sorry for myself, but I really just do sometimes. As selfish as that may be. Sooooo, that being said, I'm hoping it just is the heat.
I suppose it could be because after living easy life for a while after selling the house it's back to "normal" life and it's time to reign in the spending. That's part of it I guess. The other part is kids. Just kids in general. Summer time bickering and that sort of thing..... College kid that doesn't want to spend time with his mama...... Ya know, the usual.
I guess the other thing that bums me out is the inability to take a killer family vacation. I know, it sounds silly and very selfish, but I just am. When I say killer family vaca, I'm not talking about spending a ton of money. I'm just talking about being able to go somewhere. I'm so used to going places when I was younger and when the older kids were younger that I wish we could still do that. This time around it's somehow not a priority. Hmmmmm. Oh well. I'll get over it. I have to. Right?
The other things that bum me out are hearing how the world is going to hell in a hand basket fast. Or how the economy is going to crash.... again. BOO HISSSSS..... Honestly, I guess I just want to stay in my own little bubble and not think about it. I don't want to dwell on it. It's going to happen anyway so why talk about it and make everyone worry? We pretty much got what we deserved anyhoo. When you bail out companies with money we don't have and then ram a health care plan that we can't afford through, what does anyone expect?
And last but not least, I guess I'm sad that Danny is starting his summer school schedule next week. It's only 3 hours each morning, but it is still time away from him. I know, in a way I'm looking forward to the break, but most of me is just plain sad.
Sometimes I feel like I am an idiot and probably the only parent on earth that has a child with special needs that sometimes just feels sad and scared and whatever the heck else I'm feeling. I know that isn't true but it just feels that way. Then I feel guilty because I think of all the other people out there with kids that have WAY worse needs than Danny has and they probably would love to have a child as easy(in comparision) as Danny. So I know there is no need for me to feel sorry for myself, but I really just do sometimes. As selfish as that may be. Sooooo, that being said, I'm hoping it just is the heat.
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